I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
