The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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