No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
is that a dick in a sweater?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
