Four minutes until I can fart!
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
