just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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