"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Randomize
