I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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