Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
