I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Randomize
