He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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