So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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