is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
