Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
