Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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