Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
