puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
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