he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
