How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
