1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
