I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
