oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
