You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
