You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
