i need an iv and a liver transplant
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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