went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Even my vagina gasped.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
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