Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
