I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
