It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
