pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
The Olympian is in my bed
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
