So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
