matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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