I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
