Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
