The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
