CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
