drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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