This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Enjoy the penises
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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