Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
