He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
