Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
