Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
