fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
