New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
