Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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