we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
