Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
