I think I died a long time ago.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
