Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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