Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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