they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
