and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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