If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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